26 4 / 2012
Closing the school year.
First off, I can’t believe I will be graduating college with two degrees one year from now. It hit me like a brick wall yesterday while thinking about my future. Someone asked me where I am going to go after school, and I told them I don’t know. That honestly scares me. But then I took a moment to ponder that question and re-answered, “God will lead me somewhere, and I’ll be content with that.” They looked at me like I was crazy and said that they think it’s something that needs to be planned and thought out. I simply said that I can plan as much as I want, but regardless God will bring me where I am needed.
I am comforted knowing that I have given my life to the one being that knows what is best for me and unconditionally loves me no matter what. He always has me in His arms. Reminding myself of that every day helps me to be prepared and okay with everything that will be changing around me in the next year.
Well, time to get back to finals. I made a promise to myself that I would work hard to try and make President’s List for the second semester in a row. I keep my promises, no matter who they’re to.
Ash
27 1 / 2012
It’s ironic the things you come across after someone leaves your life so suddenly. I don’t believe in simple coincidences.
Nick Booth passed away on the 24th…after looking through his tumblr to reminisce, I found this image at the bottom of the page from November.
Thank you for the words of comfort sweetheart.
We all miss you more than you know. <3 Rest in sweet peace.
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03 1 / 2012
I realized something important to my survival in this world today…
After fighting other peoples’ fights for years, after exhausting all of my resources trying to control things that are out of my grasp, and after allowing myself to ride this emotional, destructive roller coaster for as long as I can remember, I have finally realized that I need to let go.
I care about everyone I hold close to me…so much more than is acknowledged. That’s not even a question. I can change my actions and reactions to the way people treat me and the curve-balls life throws at me everyday, but I cannot possibly control the way other people choose to act or choose to react to the events that take place in their lives. I am 22 years old, and I have my own future to think about. This may make me selfish, but from now on, I am putting my dreams first instead of hanging them on a line to dry while I waste my time trying to force people to make changes in their lives they’re not motivated or ready to make.
I need to allow God to work in peoples’ lives without interference.
I wish the best for everyone I love. But for once, I need to love myself.
<3
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22 12 / 2011
I get to witness this little beauty’s first Christmas in two days.
She’s the light of my life <3
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21 12 / 2011
On Sunday, I got to witness something incredible.
Someone I love returning to their faith…for the first time in 20 years.
And I helped lead the way.
They’ll never know how much it meant to see them step out like that…
Although nervous and uncomfortable, they were strong.
That takes real faith.
I love you. <3
12 12 / 2011
Now that the semester is coming to a close, I can honestly say I have learned quite a bit this semester. Though, the most important thing I’ve learned is this: choose your friends very wisely.
Never has the phrase, “hold your friends close and your enemies closer,” rang more true. At least with enemies, you know they’re going to talk trash and do things to hurt you, so it’s not as bad. Whereas with friends, when they do something of the non-friendly sort it can be physically, mentally, and emotionally debilitating. It can turn your world upside down.
I have to admit, I was wayyy naive this year about who I chose to keep close to me. Lesson learned: most people who verbally say they are your friend typically are not. I guess I kind of expected the feeling of community I had with my “friends” last year to carry over into this semester. It definitely didn’t. Not by any means.
So, to say the least, I deserved the swift sucker-punch karma threw my way this semester. That’s the price you pay for learning a new life lesson I suppose. You see, my problem is that I sit here and think everyone deserves a fair chance…everyone deserves the opportunity to be seen without judgment and given unconditional friendship. I was very stupid, and extremely foolish, trusted too easily.
But is there ever really a balance between trusting too easily and never trusting enough? How do you find that equilibrium with your walls??
Anywho, aced all of my classes, despite the nasty social junk taking place during the past three months of my life. So, definitely something to be proud of. Now I’m busy making amends for my own peace of mind and trying to figure other more important things out. For now, I think I’ll stick to keeping myself as my best friend, and merely observing other people until things figure themselves out. Sounds like a good plan.
I hope all you college kids out there are dominating your final exams, and that life is going peachy in the neck of the woods I can’t seem to reach for those of you who aren’t at a post-secondary institution.
Ash
09 11 / 2011
It’s that time of year yet again.
Why yes, it is indeed my birthday. I am now 22 years young, another year wiser, so on and so forth. I honestly am very excited for today…it is the first birthday that I will have so many amazing friends to celebrate with. That means more than anything in the world. I don’t have anything planned whatsoever…I am letting the day just happen. I know that it is going to be spectacular and very special, no matter what happens.
My favorite part of birthdays is that you get one special wish. I know exactly what I am going to wish for this year. Who knows, maybe it’ll come true. :D
Thank you in advance for the birthday wishes…they really do mean so much to me. That someone would take even a minute out of their day to stop and make me feel so special…it hits me hard (in a good way!)
<3
21 8 / 2011
Matthew 7: 1-5
“Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.” -English Standard Version
I have been judged and misjudged by too many people. Especially those who claim to be men and women of God, quoting scriptures only to use against me and lash out at me. I’m tired of it. If you’re going to be hypocrites, then go do it to someone else because I refuse to follow you into sin. I respect that you have your own opinions, but I don’t respect how you go about “telling me,” by calling me unfair names and making outrageous accusations, then by making up lies and telling everyone. It’s going to get you nowhere. It’s a golden rule that our mothers always told us when we were kids: Don’t do anything to others that you wouldn’t want done to you. It’s simple.
